TOPIC 02PRACTICAL MONTESSORI PARENT INSIGHT

Toddler Behaviour

Your toddler isn't giving you a hard time. Something is hard for your toddler.

Few things test a parent's patience like a toddler who suddenly refuses everything: “Come, let's go.” → “NO!” “Let's wear your shoes.” → “NO!” “Would you like the red cup?” → “NO!”

Even though five minutes earlier everything seemed perfectly fine. Toddlers are discovering that they are separate people. They have preferences, opinions and an increasing desire to influence what happens around them; however, they don't yet have the language, impulse control or emotional maturity to manage all of that smoothly.

So, resistance is often part of the developmental picture. Instead of turning every refusal into a battle, try reducing the number of battles.

Rather than

“Put your shoes on now.”

Try this

“Would you like to put on the left shoe or the right one first?”

Rather than

“Stop throwing everything.”

Try this

“The blocks are for building. If you want to throw something, let's find a ball.”

The boundary remains while the way you reach it changes. When a tantrum begins you don't have to talk your child out of every feeling. Just stay close and keep your words simple and the boundary clear: “You really wanted to do it yourself. I won't let you hit me. I'm here.” Once the storm has passed, there is usually no need for a long lecture. The lesson is learned more effectively through the calm consistency of the adult than through a ten-minute explanation.

A Question to Ask Yourself

Before asking “How do I stop this behaviour?”, ask: “Is my child tired, hungry, overwhelmed, frustrated, seeking independence, or simply unable to express what they need?” The answer won't always change the boundary. It may, however, change the way you hold it.