Big Feelings

Your child is screaming because the banana broke or maybe because you said no for something or maybe because the bath is over. To the adult it can feel minor; to the child, the feeling is very real.

Young children are still developing the ability to regulate strong emotions. Expecting them to behave calmly in the middle of a huge feeling is often unrealistic. This doesn't mean every behaviour is acceptable. You can be compassionate and hold a boundary:

• “You are very angry. I won't let you hit.”

• “You wanted more. There isn't any more.”

• “You can cry. I'm staying with you.”

Notice what isn't there: A lecture, a threat, a bribe, or a demand to stop crying.

When the feeling has passed, that's when learning becomes easier: “You were angry because we had to leave the park. Next time, I'll tell you before we leave.” Children need to experience that difficult feelings can be felt, held and eventually passed. And sometimes the most regulating thing in the room is a regulated adult.